blog 1

  december 1st 2022

woke up at 8 am, thought the alarm would wake me up at 6 but it did not. 

first aim was to workout atleast for 30 mins and i did or i would have just killed myself, the thoughts of killing myself has increased a bit more than as usual. good thing is i didnt masturbate from last night, working out is affecting in my confidence, i somehow able gather confidence to attend college today and it was not pretty bad

RD maam almost got the whole class suspended, aditya ghosh did pretty well in missbehaving with her, yogesh was also part of that. she made thw whole class confront to CSE 3rd sem faculty, they changed the CRs, piyali and subham koner is replaced by madhumita and subhadip as new CR.

SS got mad at matlab class idk why, tathagata and sudipto found out bikash liked swagata who also happened to be sudipto's girlfriend. bikash is sad i think.

went home at 6:40 maybe, talked to rani as she got a new boyfriend, i dont like talking to her, i will be avoiding her from now on, worked out hard for straight 35 mins.

the semester is just 1 month away, i have got to start studying now, gotta eat healthy and workout. my perfomance in coding and web developement is very poor currently, but i have decided to study for semester then do those stuff, 

time 23:16

talked to parents (dad only, not with mom, she forgot to call), length of conversation has been decreased from past couple of month, 1st december and i only have 20 rupees left with me idk what to eat tomorrow at lunch, maggie maybe? dad said he has not gotten his salary yet, transferring money for my expenses won't be possible at this moment, so maybe maggie?! 

why does it feel bad to ask money from parents?!

thought i'll study tonight but couldn't, don't feel like studying, tomorrow for sure else it's a shame